I owe my photography an apology for neglecting it over the last 6 months; in fact I owe a lot of people an apology. I have been battling against a mental illness for a number of years, 8 to be exact, and never more so than in the last 6 months. It has affected my life completely making it difficult to function evening on a daily basis. It has made me take a long hard look at myself and at my life and where it is going.
I have been able to see very clearly the pain I have caused to those close to me and that is something I find difficult to cope with. Equally I find it difficult to explain to those who do not understand what it is like to have a mental illness, in fact those who do understand to. As for those who think a mental illness is not an illness just an excuse, well I do not even bother to go there. The one area I understand with more clarity is about how my illness has affected me is my photography. My photographic journey has had a large influence on my life and me as a person and the one part I have the most influence and control over, it is after all me.
Being frank my journey has taken quite a battering since the beginning of the year and the amount of time I have given to it pales compared to the previous years. Like any journey it has had its ups and downs but nothing like it is experiencing at the moment. It got to a point where I seriously thought about giving up on my photography and even put my camera up for sale temporarily. If it was not for the support from my partner and friends I would have given up but I have been told under no circumstances was I allowed to do so. That sent me a very clear message and one that I already had sent to myself but largely dismissed thanks to my struggles. I would like to thank everyone who has supported me and my photographic journey and made sure that I did not do what I now know I would hugely regret later on.
The question is that if my photography means so much to me why has it suffered? The founding principle of my journey has always been guided by my emotions, feelings and personality so it when they change it changes. At the start of the year I had some many projects and ideas all of which have stalled but are not forgotten thankfully. I need to get myself back on the photographic wagon as it were and get out there and take photographs.
The next step crossing the back door, I never use the front door!
Until next time take care.